Yesterday I downloaded tax forms for the accountant and made some appointments. Need to get stuff done before our trip in a few weeks. A lot to organize, pay bills, etc. Also time to catch up with some friends. Already have a dinner planned with my HS friends.
Jojo, does your DS cook every night? SO has no interest in cooking at all, he used to though, and went through a phase where he even made puff pastry from scratch, but that was all before he even met me.
I also need to go clothes shopping, have not bought any clothes since I started school, have just worn casual lounging clothes at home and chef uniform at school.
I've been going to the gym every day, weight staying the same around 119.4
It has been a really rough week. I cooked all day Tuesday. Then everything went crazy.
DGS16 didn't wasn't home when DD got home from work---she came over here for a short walk with me and then went home and still he was not home. A neighbor h school girls came over and said DGS's girlfriend was worried about him cause he was talking weird. Then DD got a call from him and all he said was "I'm in a parking garage." And he hung up. Then he would no longer answer the phone or text. She started to panic---went to a friend's house he claimed he was going to see after school but he'd never been there---then she remembered he and some friends had skateboarded in this rather little used parking garage---she called me and DH and I took off for there as well---we found his car---not him---she was ahead of us by about five minutes---I noticed he left the keys and his wallet on the seat and knew this was a really bad sign. Then she found him on a ledge on the top floor getting ready to jump---DD managed to talk him down--he said he wanted to die, has felt depressed for years, cannot get happy and just can't take it anymore. She told him then if he couldn't save himself for himself do it for her because she would not be able to handle life without him and started to sob---finally he followed her off the ledge and she walked him to her car. WE drove his and our cars home and DGS12---OMG, I went in the house and hugged him--he was comatose--it was so awful to see---just like he was "gone"--she had to call X--OMG, he came tearing over there and shoved my DH away when he tried to ask him to talk a minute before going in---of course he'd been drinking---he goes in and starts yelling at DGS---my DH went in (I asked him not to leave them alone with the X), I took DGS12 to my house and called the suicide hot line for advice--they said to get to a hospital with him immediately or an intake center for inpatient admittance but they didn't know if any were still open as it was after 9 by now---DD and DH got him to agree and DGS16 chose to go directly to inpatient facility (the same one he had been in 4 years ago when he'd written things that showed deep depression). He was admitted and will be there until they feel he is safe to come home---we are devastated---if only the dad were not alcoholic and demanding to be part of their lives---he's like dealing with insanity---and DGS is so smart and capable and we almost lost him! dh and I are so worried about this coming back. I was allowed to talk with him on the phone today for a couple minutes. They started him on Zoloft and he is in therapy---said he had two group therapy sessions.
So DH and I got no sle=ep that night. DGS12 stayed here for the night--DD picked him up after breakfast. WE had the Canadian friends to pick up and the birthday lunch and dinner to take---so we did that---I had several times to talk with DD on the phone---talked with DD in Sacramento and DS in SLC as well. DH talked to DS Park Ranger. Everyone is so sad and worried. I just hope the medications work--and I hope both DD and her X realize it is time to make some changes---
Tonight we had DGS13's birthday dinner here so I cooked all afternooon again---they just left. I had him invite his best friend and DD had a friend of hers who really likes DGS13 too. So we partied the best we could.
T dinngame are canceled so I am relieved. Need a night with nothing.
Am so exhausted=---I'm sorry not to do more than tell this sad tale.
Joan, I'm so, so sorry to hear about DGS16! My thoughts are with your whole family. So scary to think what almost happened if you and DD hadn't gotten to the garage. I hope he will get the therapy and treatment to help him get over this. I agree from hearing about his and his dad's relationship through the years that his dad has been a deterrent to the improvement of his mental health.
Yesterday I had a dentist appointment, then went clothes shopping at actual stores for the first time in years. Reminded me why I hate shopping. Anyway bought a ton of clothes for cruise. Nothing on sale because everything is in season. Still need to buy dresses for evenings. I have a lot of dressy dresses, but some I can't fit into anymore, and some I just feel are too "young" for me now.
Going to graduation soon. SO is coming, and maybe my BIL who works a few blocks away from the church in which the ceremony will take place.
Sue, the sad part is we know our daughter has issues as well---she is a good and caring mom but she is somewhat OCD as is DGS16---her obsession now is her yoga---it draws her away and for her selfishly it is a good thing but too much of a good thing is not good for anyone else. She really also has to work at her tendency to codependency which shows up in her parenting, her friendships and relationships---it is also reality that she is a "battered" woman--all these years with narcissism have affected her personality in so many ways.
Congratulations on graduating today---having a feeling you are the top student!!
Family counseling session totally fell apart at the treatment center today when DGS16 tried to talk about how his father's drinking affects him---his dad attacked him verbally and just beat him up with words and then started in on DD---DGS gave two incidences that occurred recently when X was drunk---X stood there and bold face lied and said, You know that's not true-=--that never happened and you know it. At that point DGS16 just shut down and sat and cried silently--the way he was that night when I hugged him. OMG, this is just the saddest thing ever! My stomach just feels like knots thinking about it! DD came over and had lunch here and we talked---DH ever so positively shared his feelings about her taking on all this yoga teaching---she acknowledged that she realizes she has to give it up and just practice so that she has more time at home and more freedom to take these boys and do things together. We are hoping.
Joan, it is going to be a really tough period for your family to go through, hang in there. You have a very close and loving family, you will get through this and things will get better.
It was a short ceremony yesterday, a very small graduating class - not just culinary, but fashion design, digital, photography, etc...all the arts. The whole thing lasted about 2 hours.
I have a 4.0 average so made the honor roll. They gave the culinary award to someone who was getting an associate degree, I can totally understand that.
We ordered out Indian last night, yum. Hadn't done that in a long time. This place is really good, a favorite of an Indian friend and we're lucky it's only 3 blocks from our house. I did not over do it with the food, we have a lot leftover. Weight at 118.9 this morning.
Holly, I'm glad you made it back safely---curious about your feeling unsafe there---because of population, streets, people? Just curious. I've never been to Baltimore.
It has been a wild day. Started out with a really nice walk with DH. BF's came over for coffee and a piece of toast after dropping of the Canadian brother and DW at the airport. Had a nice coffee visit outside on the patio.
DH helped DD with getting a new printer and set up. Meantime I planted five mums I've kept alive in pots all winter--then I mucked out the flower bed they were put into---was physically exhausted!
Then cruise BF's showed up to talk about his party last night we missed because of canceling so we could be with DD and talk and have dinner---visited with them.
Then at 4:45 DD showed up with DGS13 and was crying---had been to visit DGS16 and came away so depressed because she told him there would be more structure and some basic rules that he would need to follow (because of some of the things she found out he had been doing--like smoking pot) and he balked at her--said he'd most likely break those rules and go back to it. She came over in panic--on top of he said they might release him tomorrow---she thought she had till WEd or Thurs---so we talked---decided to try to talk to the X--DH called him and he came over---OMG, now we see what the kids are putting up with with him and what she actually lived with for 18 years---no wonder she did not leave--it was better he treated her that way and she could shelter the kids by taking all of it---and no wonder she behaves like a battered woman at times. He was absolutely awful---of course you cannot find him without the alcohol---seeing how he treated DGS13--it's a real nightmare---DGS13 finally yelled at him to stop that he was not willing to help deal with what is going to happen when his brother is back home--the goal was to develop an expectation in common and enforce it in common--he was impossible---3 hours later--DH managed to get him to focus but I don't think he'll remember anything---while I took a much needed break from him because I literally could not control my anger I called DGS16 (calling hour) and talked with him frankly--I managed to get him to commit to trying to follow the rules, allow the Zoloft to work and see if the depression would lift--he admitted that he had spoken to a counselor about it and she told him it will not work if he drinks or does pot---OMG never thought we would be dealing with this with this smart kid. He talked to me about the depression--said it started when he was in 4th grade--said his teacher noticed that he was a sad kid--he said there are things that can make him feel good, like climbing, but as soon as it's over he feels overwhelmingly sad again. He did say that he will go to counseling and wants to--and he made me a promise that he will try to do it Mom's way. I went outside on the patio and managed to tell the parents about the call---they agreed to set up a list of rules and go over them together---he agreed to quit trying to blame her and us and him for one thing after another (the whole time he's demanding that we tell him he's the one who knows best and we are to blame for what happened--and this was brutal demanding) Finally we got him to leave--but he traps you physically and gets in your face and it's unreal---then while we ate quickly (I hurried up and made some dinner) and he started texting DH and DD all kinds of junk that showed he'd already forgotten things they agreed to. Poor DGS13 was so rattled--I talked with him about counseling and how he's got to share with her so that he can get help in handling all this---Finally, bottom line is I told DD all she can do in set the rules, monitor the following of them, drug test if she wants to hold him accountable and love him and provide time--then the rest in in his hands---but honestly these kids have so much to deal with. We are all emotionally drained. And because he's never gotten a DUI and not beaten the kids there is no way to block his having full custody rights. Witnessing this was so awful because there is no good way to handle this. All I know is thank goodness DD was not alone with him. And my DH is a saint. I'm so thankful are kids grew up in a relatively normal environment and knew they were not living with insanity.
Wondering when JoAnne will be back--was she going for one or two weeks?
Sue when do you go on the cruise? It's pretty soon, isn't it? Was it for two weeks?
Holly, are you watching the Bronte Sisters tonight on PBS? I am DVR-ing it---it's on late here. I have to get up at 6 to be at gym by 8:15 having had breakfast and coffee--taking the sculpt class, doing a 2 miles walk to coffee and back, and then dance class---should be good outlet for all this stress!
I'm at the eye Dr's office, SO getting cataract surgery on his other eye. Had to get up at 5:15 which is torture for me. I'm totally not an early morning person.
Yesterday I spent hours online on Neiman Marcus website looking at thousands of dresses. Ordered a bunch, will probably return a lot. They have free shipping and returns.
An ex partner/colleague came over, was here all afternoon, he wanted to look over SO's paintings, there were a few that he was interested in and he ended up buying one of my favorites. First painting that SO has sold...gave him a 50% discount. Of course, SO set the price in the first place, so it's kind of arbitrary, mostly based on what he has seen in the art galleries around here and what he thinks his work is worth compared to what is out there. Frankly I'm surprised the colleague paid this much. The colleague has bought art work from other places and he was motivated by the fact that another ex partner has been deliberating over buying some of the same pieces.
Holly, you must be happy about NC basketball!
Joan, so glad that DGS16 is receptive to the rules. He sounds like such a good boy and very sensitive. SO's grandfather was manic depressive, and SO also went through a terrible time in HS, thinking he was just like his grandfather, went through therapy (he felt didn't work), drugs, etc. By the time I met him, he was a lot better. You and your DH's support is helping so much, you will all get through this. Recognizing and admitting the problems is half the battle.
We leave in about 2 weeks, yikes! The cruise itself is 19 days, we will be in Dubai for 4 days before, and Athens for 2 days after the cruise, so it's more than 3 weeks we will be away. So much to organize before we leave. We got a great deal on the cruise, Vacations to Go.com, about 60% off list price for the cruise. Our ship is the newest one in the line and they got Thomas Keller, one of the best chefs in the world to create menus for them. There was some question as to whether the new menus would be ready in time for this trip, I hope so! Even so, the food is already really good on these ships.
Did yoga today and haven't gotten too much else done---other than laundry, roasting beets and getting my halibut and green beans ready for tonight. I fertilized the roses but I think I am sort of wiped out emotionally and stuck---but I think I have to just go with it today.
Hoping we hear from JoAnne soon---she must be staying two weeks.
Sue did any of your dresses arrive yet? I ordered a Science March tee shirt for April 22---and I ordered one for DGS13 for his birthday and invited him to march with us.
I have two purple iris in full bloom and about 60 ready to open. A few yellow ones have opened the past couple weeks.
I watched the Bronte Sisters last night---thinking I might reread Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre---never read Emily's poems but I think I'll order her work on my iPad---today I started reading Ruth by Elizabeth Gaskel--always wanted to since it was sort of a revolutionary novel in the 1800s because it is about a young woman who had a child illegitimately. Classics on iBooks are only 99cents.
DGS16 goes to school tomorrow--he is going to a different high school---does not want to go back to his school. Hope he can see this as a chance to start over.
I started watching Schitt's Creek---series on Netflix--sort of over the top but funny and fits my need for totally escaping right now! Eugene Levy is the dad and one of the main characters in it---so funny.
Housekeeper yesterday morning, so I went and spent most of the day at my parents' house. Got my parents tax stuff to take to my accountant before I leave for vacation. It's exhausting there, simply because of family dynamics and my dad is really getting more and more senile. Mentally it's difficult for him to process new information and he's forgetful. He's also very stubborn. For instance, he hasn't used the cell phone in a year, but he insists he still wants it, meanwhile both he and my mom are on my cell phone plan which I've been paying for, but yesterday he wanted to keep the cell phone so much that he said he'll pay for it. The problem is that he doesn't even remember how to use it. At this point, my mom can't even leave him alone for more than an hour or so because she's afraid that he'll fall or something.
Joan, I can just imagine how exhausted you are from the emotions of the past week. Hope your DGS16 is improving mentally. I love irises!
Holly, glad that the test results were negative!
Some dresses arrived today, will try them on shortly. I'm also going shopping today at the small boutiques around my neighborhood, I also need to go to big mall and dept stores like Nordstroms, etc. The dresses I ordered from Neimans and I think I can return to the store if necessary and it's at the same mall as Nordstroms.