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Post by bbbearsmom on Nov 22, 2020 0:18:31 GMT
Sunday, 11/22
Day 22 – Say, Oh, Well, to Disappointment
Beck talks about times when this process might seem disappointing such as when you don’t see the weight you want on the scale, when you can’t eat what everyone else is eating, when the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. She tells us that when this happens we need to remember we choose to diet and with that choice we have another choice: to make ourselves miserable by complaining or to accept that dieting does come with disadvantages but they are “a necessary means to an end.” You might not like dieting, but it is the actuality of what you have to do to reach goal.
Beck tells the story about how her son handled going on a restrictive diet for health reasons. His attitude was to say: oh, well, and move on. She suggests that we use the phase when confronted with sabotaging thoughts lamenting the problems we see with dieting.
Examples she gives:
I want that doughnut. Oh, well.
I really feel hungry. Oh, well.
I wish I could order a hamburger instead of a salad. Oh, well.
Those chips look so good. Oh, well.
I don’t feel like exercising today. Oh, well.
I don’t feel like writing down my food plan for tomorrow. Oh, well.
What disappointments have you run into while losing weight/maintaining your goal weight?
How did you handle the disappointments?
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Post by bbbearsmom on Nov 22, 2020 0:19:39 GMT
My latest disappointment is not to be able to overeat and not gain weight. Right now I'm talking to myself about this (portion creep/gain) to get myself to cut back on food. I'm doing this by remembering my whys, and being logical with myself about my behavior and reminding myself I can do this.
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Post by cathygeha on Nov 22, 2020 8:00:19 GMT
What disappointments have you run into while losing weight/maintaining your goal weight? So many... * regaining (twice) after reaching goal in the past
* The overindulgences that have seen some of the weight creep back on since May of this year * The plateaus I have faced * Not exercising as often as I plan(ned) to
How did you handle the disappointments? * I usually talk to myself. I tell myself that this is a journey and will last the rest of my life so a few days of indulgence will happen and the trick is not to let these times take over or deter me, learn from them, get back on track, reach out to my sister/friends, and remember why I am doing this. I do NOT let the scale determine my success...it is just a tool to measure with as are my clothes, how I feel in my skin and other things.
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lizlor
Transcendent Member
Posts: 1,157
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Post by lizlor on Nov 22, 2020 14:55:02 GMT
What disappointments have you run into while losing weight/maintaining your goal weight?
In the past, disappointments have included that spiraling loss of control as my weight has gone up, at the same time doing nothing consistently to counter that weight creep. It’s exhausting mentally and physically to fail over a period of time. The failures include reduced fitness, poorer self esteem and clothes that don’t fit.
How did you handle the disappointments?
In the past, I’ve gotten back on plan, but settled for a weight higher than my goal weight. This time around, I’m motivated to stay the course. I’m not cherry picking one strategy over another, but really trying to bring all into play. I haven’t felt disappointed, but rather invigorated. And I think the reason is because I’m doing both the food planning work and exercise and both areas of focus are adding to my current sense of satisfaction that I’ve got this.
The “oh well” attitude has always felt a little too flippant to me in past rounds, again because it is so absolute, but I’m taking a closer try this round. It’s a firm approach that I shouldn’t ignore just because i don’t like it.
For example, a local gourmet restaurant is offering shrimp toast to go. I want to order it and am weighing the oh well strategy of no, this is not a diet item vs I want this. I think I will wait until next month and plan and track it with one of their salads as my 60th bd celebration meal. So it’s an understanding that oh well, it’s not for today, but one day?
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Post by bbbearsmom on Nov 22, 2020 17:37:45 GMT
lizlor, Good job on "Oh,well."
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ladymajky
Transcendent Member
220/169/150
Posts: 871 
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Post by ladymajky on Nov 22, 2020 21:28:27 GMT
Back to that Chain of Events that leads to eating.... This is another tool for the THOUGHT process.
I tend not to like "oh well" either. I would rather think "get over it." Specifically, I am telling myself to "get over" my sense of entitlement and my feeling that I am so special that I should never have a week where I gain, I should never have a disappointment, I should be able to flout all the proven truths about weight loss. Really?? That makes me a Denier. "Get over it!" Life isn't like that.
TRIGGER ➡ THOUGHT ➡ DECISION ➡ ACTION
* Disappointment is a Sabotaging THOUGHT that undermines confidence, disregards good advice and increases stress
~ Everybody has occasional down times and disappointments
~ Why do I think I should be exempt from disappointment?
* I can push back on the Sabotaging THOUGHT and substitute HELPFUL THOUGHTS
~ My “whys” are important and they are worth the struggle
~ I accept the downs that come with life
~ I also embrace the JOYS that come with achieving my “whys”
* I choose to “Get Over It” and move on
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Post by surfgirl on Nov 22, 2020 21:47:04 GMT
I am able sometimes to just allow the Oh Well and move on. Then other times I give in to the desire. I think for me it all hinges on stress levels. If I'm feeling centered and calm it's much easier to say Oh Well to something. If I'm stressed out and things feel messy and chaotic then it's much easier to just give in because I tell myself it will 'feel good'. This is where I need to use Carol Ann's TRIGGER/THOUGHT/DECISION/ACTION process and ask myself:
WHAT triggered the THOUGHT?
What DECISION will help me achieve my WLG?
What ACTION does that involve?
Then CARRY OUT that action.
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Post by luvvinlife on Nov 22, 2020 21:58:43 GMT
What disappointments have you run into while losing weight/maintaining your goal weight?
During weight loss mode I was disappointed that even though I was on the same program as others, I couldn’t use my points the same. I always have to stay at the lower end of the range and I cannot increase my intake by swapping fitpoints for food. I don’t want to get in the habit of exercising to compensate for overeating. So, oh well.
How did you handle the disappointments?
Once I accept that what I’m dealing with is disappointment then I can stop the denial and whining. Then I would decide how to handle it. Sometimes it’s acceptance and other times I find another focus eg. accentuate the positive!
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Post by mac on Nov 22, 2020 23:44:45 GMT
What disappointments have you run into losing weight/maintaing weight.
* Well, its back to the same old story with the sugar cravings. Just because I haven't eaten sugar for 19 days doesn't mean its time for me to dive into those treats again. I was so disappointed today when my daughter and I were shopping, we went into the bakery, which I have no business in, I found a larger celebration cake, my very favorite, I couldn't believe it was on sale! I picked it up a couple times and told myself Beck wins this one, put it down, move on,
"no choice".
* Another dissapointment for me is weighing each Monday and losing so little as I have found as I've gotten older it becomes harder to get this weight off, oh well KOKO.
* I'm also disappointed that I won't be able to weigh in free when I get to goal because of our local WW in person class and virtual classes closing which means I will probably have to pay the rest of my life and I've been working so hard to get to goal to weigh in free! Oh well, "no choice", I'm not gaining this weight back!
How do I handle the disappointment?
I use the strategies I've learned doing this BBR a second time such as oh well and "no choice" a couple of my favorite phrases.
Sunday - 19 days no sugar!👍
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Post by bbbearsmom on Nov 23, 2020 0:25:53 GMT
mac, Congrats on not bringing the cake home. Good work.
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Post by cathygeha on Nov 23, 2020 8:08:31 GMT
Thank you all for the insightful, honest, personal comments on this one...it has given me food for thought. I think "oh well" does sound "too easy" or perhaps as if we are making lighter of what is often a bigger deal than it should be when we are faced with temptation...it is not just an "oh well" but a hurdle in the road we have to detour around or climb over and not get bogged down in on the journey. Perhaps over time it is easier to leap over the hurdle as we get stronger but I doubt that true temptations will ever lose their ability to cause us moments of dithering, consternation or perhaps even panic...then again...maybe we will get to the point where we won't even see the hurdle/temptation and just leap over it without thinking?
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Post by luvvinlife on Nov 23, 2020 14:58:24 GMT
mac are you tracking your weight weekly in the app?
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Post by surfgirl on Nov 23, 2020 18:15:30 GMT
I am able sometimes to just allow the Oh Well and move on. Then other times I give in to the desire. I think for me it all hinges on stress levels. If I'm feeling centered and calm it's much easier to say Oh Well to something. If I'm stressed out and things feel messy and chaotic then it's much easier to just give in because I tell myself it will 'feel good'. This is where I need to use Carol Ann's TRIGGER/THOUGHT/DECISION/ACTION process and ask myself: WHAT triggered the THOUGHT? What DECISION will help me achieve my WLG? What ACTION does that involve? Then CARRY OUT that action. Next Monday our 80 year old kitchen is being demo'd, and today we have painters and window people here to remove the vintage windows and repaint them before demo begins. And last night we packed up two big cabinets of kitchen stuff. This stuff overwhelms the hell out of me, I don't like change and I hate chaos and disorganization. So this morning I didn't have time to make my coffee because the window folks came very early and I don't want to be in their way. I was just thinking of going to get coffee and then maaaaybe a donut or a bagel, but now I have to STOP and THINK:
WHAT triggered the THOUGHT? I was stressed out and felt out of control, and by going to get coffee and a donut/bagel I will be having control over something.
What DECISION will help me achieve my WLG? Going for coffee ONLY, and not getting a bagel/donut will help me achieve my WLG. Getting a bagel/donut just strengthens my Giving In Muscle at a time when I need to focus on strengthening my Resistance Muscle.
What ACTION does that involve? Going for coffee only, at a coffee drive thru.
Then CARRY OUT that action. Going to go shortly...for coffee only!
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Post by bbbearsmom on Nov 23, 2020 20:20:59 GMT
surfgirl, Great job. Also, sending you lots of supportive thoughts while you go through the kitchen re-do. Sounds like a lot of stress to me.
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Post by surfgirl on Nov 24, 2020 2:42:42 GMT
Thanks bbbearsmom! I didn't end of going out for coffee, I just made a pot of coffee as soon as the window were out and those folks were on a break. It was the safer option! |
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