pbnj
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184.4--xxx--140
Posts: 1,361 
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Post by pbnj on Apr 20, 2017 21:45:41 GMT
Today I got a chance to go out with some friends. First time in what seems like forever! We walked around a small historic/shopping village and had lunch. This is with a couple we see several times a year and have known for over 30 years.
The Mr. is diabetic and watches his weight and moans and groans about what he can no longer eat. The Mrs. is at least 50 lbs overweight and watches everything the Mr. eats and won't let him eat anything he "shouldn't". When she is with us she doesn't touch bread, sweets, chips, etc and only nibbles at her food.
Today they were super critical of me and almost brought me to tears! For lunch I had a huge spinach salad with 6 broiled shrimp, hard boiled egg, bacon, feta cheese, tomatoes, cucumbers and carrots. It was really good and I ate everything but some of the spinach and some bacon!! Both of them commented about how little I ate, how it was "rabbit" food, that I was starving myself, no wonder I don't feel well and have no energy. And that since I've changed the way I've eaten I'm probably not eating enough carbs and the "right" things.
It was a long ride home... I really wanted to tell these Butt-inskies to buzz-off and go-to-hell but we've got a long history of friendship and would hate to see it gone. But this is abuse! I'm sad, angry, hurt and frustrated. Maybe she thinks that losing weight means starving and she's not willing to starve so that's her excuse not to do it (my husband's answer for her behavior).
All I know is I worked hard to get here, learned new ways to be healthy, am fighting now to stay healthy and don't want negative Nellies raining on my parade.
thanks for listening!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2017 22:03:59 GMT
I'm sorry pbnj that you had to go through that.It's one thing when people really care and are concerned about you but when they knit pick everything you do it does feel like abuse. |
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Post by DebDoesWW on Apr 20, 2017 22:04:34 GMT
((( pbnj))) ugh sorry they spoiled your day. I understand with long time friends you really can't do the rude comebacks that work so well with strangers. Best thing is to just say, my doctor is very pleased with how I eat and if you have any questions you can take it up with him  and avoid them for a long while. If this is the first time they have seen you thin, it might have just taken them by surprise, not an excuse, just thinking why some people can't seem to shut up and always give their .02. |
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pbnj
Transcendent Member
184.4--xxx--140
Posts: 1,361
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Post by pbnj on Apr 20, 2017 22:11:28 GMT
Thanks DebDoesWW and borntexan We've been together several times since I achieved goal last fall. I'm currently up a few pounds so they didn't find me "scrawny" by any means! I know my feelings are a bit more raw now due to med adjustments but a little support would have been nice! Thanks for yours! Edit... borntexan Becky... why can't I tag you? |
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Post by linda72 on Apr 20, 2017 23:47:17 GMT
pbnj I'm sorry your "friends" felt the need to instruct you about healthy eating habits. I like Deb's response: my doctor and I are very happy with what I'm eating and what I weight. And, then smile sweetly and say nothing else. Of course, if you were from the south, you could start that sentence with "well bless your heart" which translates to "fxxx off and leave me alone"!!! 
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Post by ksbruns on Apr 21, 2017 0:27:35 GMT
Oh Pat, you do know this is all about them and not you, don't you??? Everyone else here is just nicer than I am, I don't think it was well-meaning at all. There are definitely some perks to the vagabond life I have led these past (almost) 19 years, and one is that I don't have any people in my life that think it's okay to get into my business unless I ask their opinion. If I felt abused, I'd really have to question whether they were people I would share a minute of my life with...but I have become very self-protective in these past years, so I realize everyone wouldn't make that choice. (And I haven't been able to tag borntexan for the longest time...) |
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Post by DebDoesWW on Apr 21, 2017 1:51:04 GMT
Lmao I am cracking up at the tagging thing, that is why you guys may have noticed me "editing" your posts before. I usually have gone in and changed it to beckyw2016 with the @ since that is her username that the tag works with, sorry I have been slacking  LOL linda72 that was my first thought too! 🤣 |
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Post by itsrad on Apr 21, 2017 2:20:31 GMT
I think it is important to remember that it isn't about you, it is about them. People who are insecure about their own choices project that onto others.
I also think if being with this couple makes you this unhappy, it may be time to move on from the friendship. Sadly, some friendships have an expiration date. It doesn't negate past to decide that there is no future. People change.
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Post by linda72 on Apr 21, 2017 2:46:27 GMT
itsrad is very wise. Sometimes, it's more important to look after ones self than to stay around toxic people. It took me over 60 years to get it through my thick skull.
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Post by NatureLover on Apr 21, 2017 13:31:18 GMT
First of all - I applaud you for standing your ground, for taking good care of yourself and for your progress. Second of of all - your salad sounds absolutely delicious! Third of all - agree with itsrad that it isn't about you, it's about them. I have a jerk co-worker who is also quite unhealthy but eats horribly, and makes comments about my lunches such as "what are you eating now, birdseed?" and similar snide queries. But he's only a jerk co-worker - I am sorry these so-called friends hurt you with their comments. |
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pbnj
Transcendent Member
184.4--xxx--140
Posts: 1,361
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Post by pbnj on Apr 21, 2017 13:56:04 GMT
Thank you all for your love and support! Really missed it when I was hiding out in my dark cave! I'm going to practice linda72 's "Bless your heart..." (but there really is no way this yankee New Englander could pull it off !!) But I've got to have some good come back line. Like maybe... I'm pretty comfortable in my skin right now, sorry you don't see it that way. But definitely a break from their negativity is needed! |
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Post by susiq25679 on Apr 21, 2017 14:06:42 GMT
I'm with Itsrad. Some friendships do have expiration dates. I finally cut loose a friend of over 40 years because of extreme negativity and not letting go of the past. Better to have good memories of old friends. You are where you need to be, not where they want/need you to be.
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chook
Epic Member
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Post by chook on Apr 21, 2017 14:10:42 GMT
I've had almost the exact same experience when I've lost weight and have spent the day with people who need to lose weight/get healthy but haven't been able to. Ultimately I've come to the conclusion, if these people were happy within themselves, they would be happy for me and my success too. Obviously your friends are miserable and wanted to make you miserable too. If they're jealous or envious of you, then your success must be in their faces and roused the green-eyed monster. Be proud of that. Yes, it is about them.
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Post by itsrad on Apr 21, 2017 14:32:15 GMT
But I've got to have some good come back line. Like maybe... I'm pretty comfortable in my skin right now, sorry you don't see it that way. I'm not sure I agree with needing a comeback line. You owe absolutely no one an explanation for the way you eat (or do anything else for that matter.) If you must spend time with people like this, I would look them squarely in the eyes and say "I would appreciate if you wouldn't make comments about ________. It makes me uncomfortable and not want to spend time with you." You could also consider an activity that doesn't require a meal. Museums are good, they don't allow food. |
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pbnj
Transcendent Member
184.4--xxx--140
Posts: 1,361
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Post by pbnj on Apr 21, 2017 15:40:32 GMT
But I've got to have some good come back line. Like maybe... I'm pretty comfortable in my skin right now, sorry you don't see it that way. I'm not sure I agree with needing a comeback line. You owe absolutely no one an explanation for the way you eat (or do anything else for that matter.) If you must spend time with people like this, I would look them squarely in the eyes and say "I would appreciate if you wouldn't make comments about ________. It makes me uncomfortable and not want to spend time with you." You could also consider an activity that doesn't require a meal. Museums are good, they don't allow food. Might just have to agree with you there, itsrad ! I know hubby will not want to let go of long term friendship but I certainly can find reasons to "stall" our next get together. At our last get together I had to tell them to cut out the political BS. They were strong Bernie supporters and are quite obnoxious at pointing out that everything now is not only Trump's fault but also Hillary's fault. LOL, no why is it I have to spend time with these people?? |
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and avoid them for a long while. If this is the first time they have seen you thin, it might have just taken them by surprise, not an excuse, just thinking why some people can't seem to shut up and always give their .02.
