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Post by lifelongd on Jan 15, 2017 21:12:28 GMT
At some point in our time(s) on program we have things happen that are not within our control. I am struggling to not go back to my old comforting and comfortable friend, food. I am a lifetime member who wants to keep it off this time. I have gained the weight back many times. Why is it so hard to allow myself to feel the anger and the sadness at the cancer returning for a loved one? I am so scared that I will lose her this time. I can't control the outcome. My eating isn't going to change the outcome. The comfort that food gives is so short and still I want to binge. I have kept this bottled up for 2 weeks. I spent last week overeating. I need to change things around for today and this upcoming week. Perhaps sharing this will reduce its power.
Liz
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pbnj
Transcendent Member
184.4--xxx--140
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Post by pbnj on Jan 15, 2017 21:21:52 GMT
{{{hugs}}} I have no words of wisdom... But you have done the best thing for you by coming here and putting down your thoughts and feelings. There is support here. Thank you for sharing.
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Kitty
Transcendent Member
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Post by Kitty on Jan 15, 2017 21:23:48 GMT
Someone made a comment to me the other day that she eats her feelings. And, that can be for any feeling -- good or bad. I think it is natural to do that. I know that sometimes eat as a form of a self soothe. Of course, when I look back on it I am often distressed about the eating on top of whatever was upsetting me before....
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Post by DebDoesWW on Jan 15, 2017 21:42:42 GMT
((((Liz)))) we are here and we get it. Feel free to unload here all you want. What works for me when things are beyond my control, I find that being hyper vigilant allows me to feel some control over something. Lots of exercise, water, carrots and celery front and center in fridge, precut. I am so sorry you are going through this
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Post by jamescat1 on Jan 15, 2017 22:03:35 GMT
(((Liz))) Deb has given you excellent advice. I am so sorry.
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Post by walkinrobin on Jan 15, 2017 22:10:55 GMT
I can't begin to know what you must be feeling right now, I've never experienced a loved one having cancer. But I do like Deb's suggestion. Years ago I had an out of control teenager that was causing horrible stress to the entire family and I remember telling myself that while I couldn't control him and what he was doing to our family, I could control my own actions. I focused on my own health, what I was eating, and exercised more. It helped.
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Post by lmenglish on Jan 15, 2017 22:26:50 GMT
One day at a time, if you have a bad day and eat, get right back on track and don't throw the towel in. Walking is always a stress reliever for me. Sending hugs and prayers
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Post by hpeterson1951 on Jan 15, 2017 23:26:06 GMT
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have never had anyone have cancer. However two years ago my MIL (who I am closer to than my own mother) was dying and in hospice. I remember wanting tons of pasta, carbs and alcohol. Just comfort food.
Here are a few strategies that worked for me. Everyone is different but maybe they will help. 1) Hot tea is a great soother and comes in all sorts of flavors. I like the spiced ones (ginger, cinnamon, etc), but a friend of mine who has a sweet tooth does the fruit ones. You can do this with coffee also, as long as you watch the creamer and sugar. I use splenda
2) Fresh fruit- again good for sweet cravings.
3) Carrots and celery for crunch
4) Pre-measure snack bags- pretzels and even some chips are OK. Just measure them out and have them ready to go when needed.
5) Come here often, We are here for you.
6) Find a hobby you can do if you are visiting the hospital. Reading a book, knitting, coloring books, etc. Keep your hands busy.
7) lmenglish is right- don't beat yourself up for a slip up. Just start over at the next time you eat. I like to drink a large glass of water as my "restart" button.
Good luck and lots of hugs to you Heather
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squid
Transcendent Member
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Post by squid on Jan 16, 2017 0:19:25 GMT
When I lost my mother almost 2 yrs. ago, I kept in mind something my Leader told a member in my mtg. who was in the same situation. "Your mother would not want to be the cause of you doing something that hurts you."
Ask yourself, if I'm fat, stuffed, and miserable, how will I support and help my loved one? I'm sorry you're having to deal with this - it sucks.
Roz
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Post by beckymax on Jan 16, 2017 0:30:45 GMT
Liz, ((hugs)) I lost my mother to cancer, she had it for many years so I know the helpless feeling. I have fell off the wagon, felt the who cares, the darkness. Now after over a year, I am starting to look around and trying to get myself motivated. My Mom was always so supportive of me and I know she was always worried about my health.
You are right, nothing you do will affect the outcome. The advice everyone has given you is all very good. I am going to use some of it too. And I hope you find yourself mentally happy enough with yourself that you can be all you need to be for her. Hugs again, it really does suck.
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Post by thyme2 on Jan 16, 2017 0:36:16 GMT
I agree that step one is that you are here talking about it. The second thing is giving yourself applause for knowing that you strong emotions trigger need to eat.
Beyond that work through some of the suggestions here and find a "bag of tricks that work for you.
I lost my beloved dog this summer and had to take him into the vet at the end. Exercise, focus and never letting down worked for me. I also have some go to OP meals that are more comforting and relied on them at the roughest moments. Walking a lot really helps me.
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Post by ksbruns on Jan 16, 2017 1:40:53 GMT
So much good advice. Like DebDoesWW, I think I was hyper-vigilant during some awful years because it felt like the one thing I could control. After being a revolving door with WW's for 35 years, I so understand your feeling that you can NOT gain it back this time. And I've also found that the longer I keep doing this, the less comforting I find food as a friend. I also loved squid's advice that your friend would not want you to suffer. I'm glad you showed up to share and hope you'll keep coming back. One Day at a Time.
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Post by lifelongd on Jan 16, 2017 2:43:41 GMT
Thank you so much for your support and kindness. I am truly touched. I will keep all of your words close to my heart. I will come up with a plan that takes care of me in the midst of all that is happening. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to reach out and help me.
Liz
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2017 3:10:37 GMT
Liz,(((hugs))).I lost my dad to cancer years ago.I was not dieting at the time so I didn't have the extra problems you are going through now.However I agree with Kathy and I know I cannot gain my weight back either.All the advice you have been given here has been excellent.Give yourself permission to think about yourself also.While we can't always control our appetite we can do things to distract us from eating what we know isn't necessarily good for us.I find water,healthy snacks,staying within my points,eating slowly and exercise helps me.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.Hang in there.
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Post by lani on Jan 16, 2017 14:49:49 GMT
So sorry for your situation. Be kind to yourself. Is there perhaps a support group in your area you can share feelings with?
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