Phds THinking it Through January

Hello everyone,

CT, I know some people who have their birthdays on Jan 1 and Dec 25 who are regularly forgotten as people celebrate around them!

Mine is also on a day and time of year when noone is around. 

Last time i had a little party with just 3 friends, a month and a half late! it was fun.

Ks, i'm glad your health is fine.

Gs, hello

hello to any passerbys

I'm feeling really out of sorts. I have some difficult things to deal with and that's taking a toll on my health and resilience which makes thing harder.

Hi all,
Hi Ks, nice to read your post. I don't know that there is much help i can ask for at present from afar, but i do appreciate your asking. Your agreement to focus less on gifts seems wise to me if it was stressful. I encourage you to keep tracking if you can. I know that helps me a lot, even if i eat a lot when tracking.

I watched several of the hearings for cabinet members last week, but then skipped the news for a few days around the inauguration as i found it so disheartening. When i got back online yesterday, as usual, i found it worse than i had imagined it would be. It is so sad. I think sad situations like this can call to mind resonance with other sad situations.

I'm being severely hassled by one of my schools. The new, inexperienced in education, director was ill-advised by his bitter and unpopular vice-director (or whatever they are called), and then stuck to his guns for reasons of pride. The context seems to be illegal, but it can take a very long time to be sorted out, and, as i have been informed, judges are human, so there is never 100% certainty of winning, even if the law is on one's side. if he loses, he loses nothing as it's a larger institution that will pay a relatively small fee. Meanwhile he continues to make his career, politically.

There is no real reason for him to be so stuck in his opinion. He should have been open to discussion and finding a common solution. He mixes and matches laws and contexts like a three-card monte, in discussion, a bit like Kellyanne Conway does, when asked a question.

The director is extremely well connected, and i have discovered that the representatives of personnel at the school are representatives in title only. They are afraid to even ask a question to the direction about very irregular things. There are only one or two highly inactive union members in the whole school. The union officials are outside and manage several schools at once, and are always overloaded. Since the director is so well-connected, (went to same very small elitist school where politicians are trained here, as those directly above him) there is no management from above, as there should be, and since the atmosphere is such that most representatives don't even dare to ask a question that might be outside of the direction's wishes, it seems impossible to bring a legal framework back to the context. He also generously promotes, finances the projects and travel of many of the reps and anyone who could have any impact in any way on the situation for me and for his career. he is 100% a politician, with directorial experience, but no experience in a school before coming. he was appointed to the position through professional friendship with government officials, as he is no specialist in any way in the field of the school he is directing. He is not enamored of the job, but it is easy for him. He gives the grunt work to his vice-director, and he is a figurehead and does a lot of trips, and so on.

Some union officials fought with power but not so very well organized in my favor. But regardless, if the direction and his hierarchy are in agreement to not respect the law, it doesn't matter what the union says. Since there is, in practice, no union in the school, it is difficult to act. If i explain to colleges, they tend to doubt, because the director is suave and pleasant. I also couldn't believe he was taking the position he was so firmly and was so closed to discussion. That is not at all the impression he gives in public, when he has a soft voice and has a posture of listening, and unceasingly offers favors to those who can help him.

It seems to mirror the horrible presidential situation. And there are a few other issues to deal with too. This is demoralizing and when there is so much accumulation, it becomes unmanageable, at some point. It's like i'm past a tipping point and i don't think i'll ever be able to manage everything normally.

GS, Thanks for your sympathy. I'm pretty resilient but it's been particularly tough. Good for you for going to the march. I didnt go because i thought i couldn't and then when i was freed up i forgot until i was unsure it was still going on (finally it was-sometimes usa protests here are busts-but not this time). Everyone i've heard from who has been to them was uplifted. France has a threat of strong move to the right with 25% admitting they will vote for the extreme right party, the highest percentage of the many parties at present. Maybe Netherlands, Germany Scandinavia or Canada, would be a better fit? Canada is darn cold, but the PM seems like a good one.

I am not in best of shape. I am understandably demoralized and this doesn't help my overall tendency of late to procrastination. When a little thing occurs i can easily feel upset. I did go to an ok dance class saturday and spoke for ages afterwards with a group of 3 other women who know one and other a bit and spontaneously went out for a soup and guac and mint tea afterwards. i went to 2 pilates classes on the weekend as my year long 10 ticket thing was running out. And went for a mini run (15 min) this morning. It's the 1st time in a while that the 15 min went by fast and i was feeling i could run more.

I have only 2 classes at present, both on Wednesdays Not difficult to teach, requiring some prep, but not masses. I have some time to do long and medium term projects and i am just feeling paralyzed, with discouragement, often enough. I have some ideas and projects (no pay but increase of recognition) which i could easily activate but i am tired of trying.

Weight is ok. i'm glad to be able to get more exercise with the longer days, and less busy schedule.

I hope you guys are all ok. I am sorry to be down in the dumps. This weekend was less so than the previous weekend.