irisinnia
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Post by irisinnia on Jul 22, 2019 23:57:24 GMT
Day 23 - Counter the Unfairness Syndrome
Beck starts with the story of Gloria. She’s at work and her coworkers are eating Girl Scout cookies. She thinks, “It’s not fair that I can’t eat what everyone else is eating”, and starts to feel resentful. Then she thinks, “I don’t care,” and gives in and eats the cookies. While it might not seem fair, it’s even less fair that eating the cookies is going to affect her mood and strengthen her giving-in muscle.
Many dieters give themselves permission to eat when confronted with issues of fairness. But just as life isn’t fair, dieting isn’t fair. If the thought that dieting is unfair encourages you to eat, do the following:
- Remind yourself why you decided to diet in the first place.
- Make a mental list of the advantages in your life.
- Create a Response Card
The sample response card really spoke to me. It says:
“Dieting might not be fair, but I have two choices: I can feel sorry for myself, stop following my plan, never reach my goal, and continue to be unhappy with myself. Or I can sympathize with myself but go ahead and dow what I know I need to do. Everyone experiences some kind of unfairness in life. This is one of mine. Besides, the greatest unfairness to me would be if I let this excuse prevent me from reaching a goal I strongly want to achieve.”
Do you have experience with the unfairness syndrome?
How do you deal with others eating things that you can’t work into your plan?
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Post by bbbearsmom on Jul 23, 2019 0:15:41 GMT
I've never felt my situation was unfair. I know I have a weight problem because I taught myself to overeat. With so many people overweight, obese I don't feel I was singled out.
When there are things that are tempting I either give in and have some (often regretting that) or I talk myself out of the situation.
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Post by borntexan on Jul 23, 2019 1:21:46 GMT
If I constantly had the feeling I was on a diet I might feel some unfairness.However I know I will need to eat like this the rest of my life and I have gotten to where I enjoy mostly healthy food I don't feel like it's unfair.It was unfair what I did to my body before losing weight this last time.I don't mean to say I'm perfect or don't get cravings or want other foods to eat from time to time.I am just better able to handle those feelings better now.I am lucky I guess that I can be satisfied with a bite of food I know isn't healthy or good for me.
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Post by cathygeha on Jul 23, 2019 5:48:46 GMT
I am not sure that "unfair" is my go-to thought. My thought is more "I want" and then either have it or not. I know life is unfair and each of us ends up with something that we have to deal with in life that is "unfair" - or so we think. I have decided that if weight is my "cross to bear" it is a lot "easier" than some crosses.
I think we have two choices 1. Move toward the goal we have set 2. Not move toward the goal we have set
We can move toward that goal or not and be happy either way...being unhappy and feeling put upon for doing what needs to be done or feeling guilty if we don't...neither makes sense in the long run.
Life is life We make choices that impact our life We live with the choices we make
Thinking BEFORE we make the choice (whatever it might be) is probably wise 
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irisinnia
Transcendent Member
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Posts: 1,222
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Post by irisinnia on Jul 23, 2019 14:32:11 GMT
I do deal with unfairness. I think some people are just born with higher metabolism, healthier food backgrounds, taste buds that don't work as well, etc. It makes me feel jealous sometimes. But, I liked the idea in the response card about sympathizing with myself - yeah, it would be great if my body just burned all these extra calories like magic - and then saying to myself, it's more unfair to let me stay trapped at my current weight.
It's hard when people are eating things that I can't work into my plan, but if I can plan ahead, I can mitigate the damage by bringing something I like that is on my plan. Yogurt or pudding isn't ice cream but it's close enough that I wouldn't feel deprived. Veggie straws aren't potato chips, but they have a similar crunch and feel, so again, no deprivation. If I can't plan ahead, I just have to stick to the plan. Telling people "I already ate" usually stops the food pushers. So then I'm just dealing with my own dissapointment. Oh, well!
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Post by lani on Jul 23, 2019 14:52:04 GMT
I haven't thought about unfairness. If I eat reasonably I can manage my weight. If I go hog wild I will gain. I do have a good metabolism so I actually think I have some advantages in the weight arena. On the other hand, I love food.
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Post by hpeterson1951 on Jul 23, 2019 15:30:34 GMT
I've been MIA for a while since my Niece was here.
I'm slowly catching up.
I don't really struggle with unfairness in eating.
I have so many other things in my life that could be considered "unfair"-my CP, constant pain, taking so many meds, abusive parents.
I was never allowed to fee sorry for myself about those things, so dieting as unfair doesn't really cross my mind.
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Post by surfgirl on Jul 24, 2019 1:08:47 GMT
I felt unfairness when I first did my big initial WW push several years back. I would go places like the Farmers Market and not be able to graze/sample what I used to if I wanted to be OP. I felt annoyed and pissed off. But then I found a fruit seller who made up glasses filled with fresh mango, etc. and I got that and it was healthy, OP and tasted good. So I knew I could eat something when I was there, just like everyone else was eating something. It was an OP choice. Nowadays I don't really feel that way because I know the weight wont come off by osmosis, I have to make it happen, and I also know that IF I stay OP, the weight WILL come off. So it's less of an issue now. And yes, some people can eat whatever they want and just don't seem to gain weight. Like many things in life, it is what it is.
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Post by cathygeha on Jul 24, 2019 5:11:18 GMT
I remember a weight watcher leader one time mentioning that someone had said it was "unfair" that someone in their group was eating out and they SAW that person eating food that was way over points. The leader reminded them that the person may have budgeted for the meal out and should not be judged.
I remembered the incident when it was mentioned in this thread that not all metabolisms are equal. It is also true that we may THINK some eat anything they want to when we see them eating things we think are not allowed by ourselves...perhaps they have just budgeted whatever into their day's intake?
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irisinnia
Transcendent Member
233/211/160
Posts: 1,222
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Post by irisinnia on Jul 24, 2019 18:18:41 GMT
cathygeha, I think you're right. I do have the idea that other people eat everything they want all the time, but that really isn't true. Like I've mentioned before, the skinny people I know skip a lot of meals. They will eat a big lunch, then say they don't feel like eating after that big meal, or that they don't feel well. And then they'll switch to a smoothie, salad, fruit/veg diet for a few days because they have been eating poorly. It's like they automatically do things I would have to do to stay on plan.
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Post by bbbearsmom on Jul 25, 2019 0:10:57 GMT
some people can eat whatever they want and just don't seem to gain weight. But they are not overeating. Anyone that overeats gains weight. You are comparing their want to your want. You want to overeat so you think that is what other people want to do and are doing, but they are not. |
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Post by surfgirl on Jul 25, 2019 2:01:44 GMT
some people can eat whatever they want and just don't seem to gain weight. But they are not overeating. Anyone that overeats gains weight. You are comparing their want to your want. You want to overeat so you think that is what other people want to do and are doing, but they are not. , Some people do have high metabolism and can literally eat whatever they want. I'm talking about people who eat a lot of high caloric junk food, sweets, etc. all the time and don't seem to gain weight. I didn't say they were overeating, I mean that they don't have to monitor what they eat, and despite eating food that would make most gain weight, they don't seem to gain. I know people like this. |
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