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Post by bbbearsmom on Aug 25, 2019 23:34:53 GMT
Monday, 08/26
Thinking Mistake #5: Mind Reading
You're sure of what others are thinking, even in the absence of compelling data.
"People will think I am strange if I don't drink alcohol at the party."
"She'll think I'm rude if I don't try the brownies she baked."
Do you mind read? If you do how do you counter it?
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Post by bbbearsmom on Aug 25, 2019 23:35:24 GMT
I do mind read. One time I served myself at a dinner party and it was too much food. I thought other people would think bad of me if I didn't clean my plate since I had served myself. I cleaned my plate. I remember I felt very embarrassed at the time and wonder if I could have talked myself out of it. Sometimes I will eat food because I've told myself my husband expects me to eat. I'm not sure what he would say if I asked him about it, whether he would say he didn't care or he would do a little food pushing. In both cases I need to up me catching these type of thoughts and learn to talk back to them.
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Post by cathygeha on Aug 26, 2019 6:07:53 GMT
I don't do a lot of this. After decades with my husband I have a pretty good idea of what is going on in his mind...so CAN read his mind. As for friends...not so much. I do think that in some social settings there are expectations (like black to be worn to a funeral...might feel odd not wearing at least something dark). At the same time...I should (and try to) make decisions for myself by myself.
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Post by lani on Aug 26, 2019 15:04:09 GMT
I don't mind read about food. I do tend to negatively construe what I think other people are thinking. Maybe that's more like emotional reasoning. The categories overlap sometimes.
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Post by luvvinlife on Aug 26, 2019 22:38:07 GMT
Judy I did the exact same thing just the other day. There were tons of appetizers available so I ate the best choices that I could make. Then the desserts came out and all of them were homemade by the guests and I felt pressure to taste them all and give feedback. Usually I don't eat desserts at all. I can't figure out why I allowed myself to succumb to that kind of pressure.
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Post by surfgirl on Aug 27, 2019 18:08:46 GMT
Like lani,I don't mind read re: food, but I do tend to negatively construe what I think people are thinking. I think this sadly, goes back to my first real job in my career, where it was a very toxic place that was spiraling downward, unbeknownst to me, and people were constantly whispering about this and that and it turns out it was about some of us, like me, who were getting axed because of downsizing. I think that I didn't do this before that, but it's been a pattern since. I probably need to work on that shit. lani, got any suggestions?!? |
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Post by lani on Aug 27, 2019 19:13:27 GMT
surfgirl, nothing that will eliminate the tendency, at least not for me. I am aware of my predisposition to go down that mental road, and when I start down it I remind myself that this is residual childhood and young adult stuff that is always going to be hanging around in my brain, especially when stress strikes. Meditating helps, when all else fails I like a good 7 Question Technique. Well, I don't like it, but it works. Mostly having to remind myself that my thoughts aren't reality.
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