irisinnia
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Post by irisinnia on Nov 23, 2019 0:46:22 GMT
Day 23 - Counter the Unfairness Syndrome
Beck starts with the story of Gloria. She’s at work and her coworkers are eating Girl Scout cookies. She thinks, “It’s not fair that I can’t eat what everyone else is eating”, and starts to feel resentful. Then she thinks, “I don’t care,” and gives in and eats the cookies. While it might not seem fair, it’s even less fair that eating the cookies is going to affect her mood and strengthen her giving-in muscle.
Many dieters give themselves permission to eat when confronted with issues of fairness. But just as life isn’t fair, dieting isn’t fair. If the thought that dieting is unfair encourages you to eat, do the following.
- Remind yourself why you decided to diet in the first place.
- Make a mental list of the advantages in your life.
- Create a Response Card
This sample response card really spoke to me. It says:
“Dieting might not be fair, but I have two choices: I can feel sorry for myself, stop following my plan, never reach my goal, and continue to be unhappy with myself. Or I can sympathize with myself but go ahead and do what I know I need to do. Everyone experiences some kind of unfairness in life. This is one of mine. Besides, the greatest unfairness to me would be if I let this excuse prevent me from reaching a goal I strongly want to achieve.”
Do you have experience with the unfairness syndrome?
How do you deal with others eating things that you can’t work into your plan?
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Post by surfgirl on Nov 23, 2019 5:46:15 GMT
Do you have experience with the unfairness syndrome?I dont deal with this much anymore but when I first did PP in earnest, I went to my local Farmer's Market and I was PISSED OFF that I couldn't eat anything there! I was in a foul mood as a result. But then lo and behold, I found the Mexican fruit vendor lady, who had glorious plastic cups filled with papaya, mango, watermelon, cucumber and jicama spears. She put some fresh lime juice and spices on it and I was a HAPPY CAMPER! I had food to put into my pie hole just like everyone else, except my food was healthy and was within my plan so I was still OP! Yeah, hurrah! Seriously though, it was nice to realize I could find something OP and not feel different than other people there who were all enjoying snacking on this and that.How do you deal with others eating things that you can’t work into your plan? Since I dont work in an office I rarely find myself in this situation anymore. I have complete control over what I eat most of the time so I have no excuses really!
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Post by cathygeha on Nov 23, 2019 7:22:07 GMT
Do you have experience with the unfairness syndrome? Sure...I mean...it isn't fair that I am not tall and lean or that I am not a multi-millionaire or that I am living in a place with unstable government or...the list goes on BUT it is not something I dwell on because those are things I do not have any control over.
If it is something I have control over then it is my choice to do or eat or be whatever it is but if not...I let it go.
As for the food thing...I remember a WW leader long ago saying that we should not judge someone on their adherence to following the plan or eating something we think they shouldn't or we have chosen not to eat BECAUSE they may have budgeted for it (if on WW) and since we did not...that is their choice and not ours. Or, something like that.
So...if I want something and plan for it and work OR if I see someone eating something and think it is "unfair" then perhaps instead of eating whatever it is...I can think about whether or not it is "worth it" and then figure out a way to work that food into my plan another day (or even that day).
How do you deal with others eating things that you can’t work into your plan? I think I will try what I wrote above...because...if I REALLY R E A L L Y want something I can always work it into my plan even if just in a smaller portion on a day I have planned for it.
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irisinnia
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Posts: 1,222
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Post by irisinnia on Nov 23, 2019 14:48:08 GMT
surfgirl , cathygeha , Such beautiful responses! I'm really moved. Do you have experience with the unfairness syndrome?What can I say that hasn't been said already? I'm definitely into unfairness, because I do think some people have a higher metabolism, but the more I learn and practice health, the more I learn that metabolism can be increased through exercise, and people that seem like they eat a ton, don't eat that way behind close doors. I mean it makes sense, I'd eat something little in public, then go home and eat a ton in private. So some people eat a ton in public, then go home and eat small portions of healthy (boring) food. How do you deal with others eating things that you can’t work into your plan?Everything can be worked into the plan (at least the PointsPlus plan). Okay, some are pretty impossible, like a milk shake from cold stones - 30 PP, I think. So most things I fit in today if I can, or track for tomorrow and then figure how to make it work. If it's something crazy like 30 PP, I have to save up for the week and think, is this really worth it? Usually the answer is no. Why would I want to suffer through boring healthy foods all week for one treat when I could have better meals all week and skip it? It's all about priorities.
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Post by lani on Nov 23, 2019 15:51:49 GMT
I think I'm one of the people who make others feel unfairness. I can eat a higher caloric total than many and my metabolism is on the fast side. And I actually don't mind exercising. My challenge is simply loving to eat and wanting to carry on eating every bloomin' time. I do have to pay attention and force myself to stop, always and forever.
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Post by bbbearsmom on Nov 23, 2019 18:40:54 GMT
In general I don't have feelings of unfairness about having to work to lose weight and to maintain my goal weight. It is clear in my mind that I have a weight problem because I eat too much. To me that is just the laws of the physical world working. Also I taught myself to overeat. People that I know that don't have weight problems behave differently around food.
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ladymajky
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Post by ladymajky on Nov 23, 2019 20:57:12 GMT
Do you have experience with the unfairness syndrome?
Lots of things in life aren't doled out equally. I got over the "unfairness" thing when I was a teenager and came to grips with the realization that my little sister was smarter, had more musical talent, and more artistic talent than I ever would have. It wasn't fair because I was the big sister and I was supposed to be better on all dimensions than she was! It took me a while to understand that I had more of some things than she did. It in long run the overs and unders average out.
As for weight, when growing up I could see that all the women in my family -- aunts, cousins, grandparents, mother -- were plush. I just take after them. My little sister, who had anorexia, was the odd one.
How do you deal with others eating things that you can’t work into your plan?
I can echo the others. I don't work in an office anymore so I'm not challenged by a constant round of food in the breakroom, food at birthday parties, food at catered office staff meetings, food on the receptionist's desk, food on the xerox machine. These days, anything that I really really really want I can work into my plan if I give some thought to it.
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