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Post by surfgirl on Jul 23, 2020 0:45:52 GMT
TODAY’S MANTRA: Once I stop telling myself that dieting isn’t fair, dieting will be easier.
Today is all about countering the 'unfairness syndrome' and getting real with ourselves…this should be fun, eh?! How do we really feel about our weight loss journeys and are we really okay with what we need to give up in order to achieve our weight loss goals for a lifetime? If we’re not honest with ourselves, how can we be successful at this?
Think back to a time when you were faced with others eating something that you really, really wanted to eat, but you knew you shouldn’t…how did you feel? Did you exercise your resistance muscle, or did you strengthen your giving in muscle? How did you feel after you either resisted or gave in?
Beck talks about putting fairness into perspective. Remind/ask yourself:
- WHY you decided to diet in the first place?
- Make a mental list of the advantages in your life, compared to so much of the world.
- Create a Response Card if you need help changing or reinforcing a change in your thinking about unfairness.
Sabotaging Thought: It’s not fair that I can’t eat normally. A thin person accepts their limitations.Helpful Response: Actually, I probably wasn’t eating “normally” before either! I was probably eating too much, too often and choosing too many unhealthy foods. I’m actually eating “normally” now for a person whose goal is to lose/maintain weight. A thin person eats a normal amount of healthy food, and doesn’t whine about not eating the entire chip bag! Sabotaging Thought: Other people don't have to deal with this problem and neither should I! A thin person understands that everyone is different.Helpful Response: I have three choices:
1. I can give up and stay at this weight. A thin person never gives in to giving up. 2. I can diet on and off, never really achieving my goals. A thin person commits to their goals and achieves them.
3. I can accept the fact that dieting isn’t fair and move on just doing the work needed to lose weight.
A thin person will put their head down and do the work needed and keep their eyes on the prize! TODAY'S REFLECTION: What bullshit have you told yourself to go off program? |
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Post by cathygeha on Jul 23, 2020 9:04:24 GMT
BS I have told myself in the past:
* It is too hard * I don't like eating this way * I can't go without (whatever) * I miss (whatever) * I don't want to offend my hostess * I WANT/DESERVE to have this * I don't care if I am fat * I love myself no matter what I weigh * Old women are soft and cuddly
There are probably others.
I have decided that this is for me. It is not easy losing weight but it is what I have chosen to do. This is a lifestyle and not a diet I am in it to be healthy and eating this way will see that happen.
Who said life was fair and who said that it should be?
I have thought in the past that in some ways having a life problem of overweight is a lot easier cross to bear than some that others deal with on a daily basis! I am thankful for my life and all that it is...whether up on the scale or down...but do prefer down on the scale  |
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Post by luvvinlife on Jul 23, 2020 14:36:50 GMT
I don’t have feelings of unfairness. Until this last year, I did have feelings of inadequacy. Each time I do the Beck Review I realize that I am getting better at using the tools.
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ladymajky
Transcendent Member
220/169/150
Posts: 871 
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Post by ladymajky on Jul 23, 2020 14:58:36 GMT
surfgirl, I just saw your shout-out from June 27. My husband indeed had Parkinson's Disease. He fell in January and went to the ER. After a brief, sad story involving hospitals, ERs, dementia, and memory care units, my Dear Husband passed in March. We had been married just over 40 years. I miss him terribly. I am only just now returning to a semblance of a "normal" routine. As "normal" as COVID-19 will allow.
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Post by borntexan on Jul 23, 2020 15:09:10 GMT
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Post by lani on Jul 23, 2020 15:48:23 GMT
ladymajky , so sorry. Strength and peace to you. I have never had feelings of unfairness. I have had fairly good health (with the exeption of a couple of decades of GI problems, but under control now), a good metabolism, and the time and resources to follow good dietary practices. ETA: Two unfairness threads, and 7/23 became Wed. I am already confused with every day being the same. Good to know I'm not the only one. 
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lizlor
Transcendent Member
Posts: 1,159
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Post by lizlor on Jul 23, 2020 16:25:28 GMT
In terms of BS, I guess the classic is the begin again start on Monday syndrome that ends up lasting 10 years. And the denial as the scale starts inching up and not down. And the denial of continuing to eat and drink knowing the scale is rising.
As for unfairness, I’m always reminded that much of the world wakes up not knowing what they are going to eat, so don’t view it as dieting being unfair. I have the resources to be able to take responsibility for My health and well being.
This is my 4th turn at Beck in the past two years and this time feels better and more deliberate. in the past, I really balked at daily planning, it felt too restrictive, but now I understand it is key, along with NO CHOICE decisions. Yesterday while getting a snack for my mother, I ate 2 potato chips, in the past I might have inhaled many more while standing over the bag.
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lizlor
Transcendent Member
Posts: 1,159
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Post by lizlor on Jul 23, 2020 16:28:53 GMT
ladymajky, I am so very sorry to read of your loss. Forty years is remarkable. I’m so sorry you are grieving in Covid times.
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Post by bbbearsmom on Jul 23, 2020 16:48:26 GMT
ladymajky, I'm so sorry to hear the news. You have my deepest sympathy. As was said, 40 years is a long time. Hope we hear from you more. I've always enjoyed your wise posts. surfgirl, I really liked the examples you had in your posts today. I've never felt it was unfair that I had to work to lose weight and then work to maintain my goal weight. I gained weight because I overate, there was nothing unfair about the process. I don't compare myself to others, if anything I look to others for ideas how to stay at my goal weight. As for my BS: I whine when I have to plan when I eat out or have take-out even though I know how great I feel when I get it right; when I gain I look for reasons other than overeating for the explanation of the weight gain, luckily I eventually come around, "but I'm hungry" happens too.
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Post by luvvinlife on Jul 23, 2020 17:41:52 GMT
ladymajky, please accept my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your husband. I too hope that we will see you here more often. Your nuggets of wisdom still linger in my memories of the original WW message boards. I wish you comfort and peace.
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Post by surfgirl on Jul 23, 2020 19:06:09 GMT
BS I have told myself in the past:
* It is too hard I'm traveling and it's too hard to figure out points friendly vegetarian options!
* I don't like eating this way I want to eat what I want, when I want!
* I can't go without (whatever) I haven't eaten this much lately so I deserve a splurge!
* I miss (whatever) DITTO ABOVE!
* I don't want to offend my hostess * I WANT/DESERVE to have this I'm stressed out and I want/need/deserve this treat!
* I don't care if I am fat * I love myself no matter what I weigh * Old women are soft and cuddly I'm just going to copy cathygeha's list and strike the one's I haven't used in the past. I usually know what I'm doing before I do it, but I do it anyway. In the past another piece of bullshit I told myself was that the splurge would be okay because I'd either work out extra hard that week OR I'd cut down on my food intake the rest of that week, neither of which ever really happened. Recently I had a splurge of pizza and half a brownie for my husband's bday and I finally DID compensate the rest of the week with my food intake and I ended up losing I think. So that was an eye opener. I think splurging once in a while is fine as long as it doesn't become an eating jag that lasts the rest of the day, week, month, AND if I can compensate for what I ate in a healthy manner. In a sense, I have to learn to pay for the splurge, if that makes sense. |
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Post by surfgirl on Jul 23, 2020 19:09:20 GMT
surfgirl , I just saw your shout-out from June 27. My husband indeed had Parkinson's Disease. He fell in January and went to the ER. After a brief, sad story involving hospitals, ERs, dementia, and memory care units, my Dear Husband passed in March. We had been married just over 40 years. I miss him terribly. I am only just now returning to a semblance of a "normal" routine. As "normal" as COVID-19 will allow. Dear ladymajky, I'm so very sorry for your loss, and that it had to happen wrapped up in all the stress of this pandemic. A marriage of 40 years is an amazing accomplishment and I can imagine it's difficult to lose your partner after that amount of time. You are like family to us here and you are always welcome to drop in and just say hi, even if you're not doing Beck right now, I hope you know that. You've given all of us here so much with your " like a thin person" quips and pearls of wisdom, so let us help you now, if you need it. We're here for you...xo |
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ladymajky
Transcendent Member
220/169/150
Posts: 871
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Post by ladymajky on Jul 24, 2020 1:19:59 GMT
surfgirl, cathygeha, luvvinlife, borntexan, lani, lizlor, bbbearsmom, Thank you all for your kind thoughts. It has been tough, especially with the isolation imposed by COVID, but God has blessed me with many friends -- including you all. I lost seven pounds in seven weeks, but I don't recommend doing it the way I did. Hospital food is terrible. The cafeteria and cafe feature lots of carbs and comfort food and very little in the way of fruits and veggies. They were totally clueless about WW zero-point foods. I have to say that I did think about the principles of Beck around making excuses and believing BS when confronting the hot cookies at the nurses station. (All this was before the COVID shutdowns, when family were still permitted in the hospital.) Nowadays, since I am here by myself, shopping for myself, cooking for myself, eating by myself, setting my own schedule, all my excuses are gone. I am developing all new habit patterns around food and its place in my life. I am re-emerging and reconnecting with people. I will be back here lurking and commenting from time to time. We were already a virtual community here before virtual was a thing. I was delighted, surfgirl, to see that thin person has inspired you.
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Post by surfgirl on Jul 24, 2020 1:26:48 GMT
ladymajky , I for one, am delighted to 'see' you around here again! My inner thin person has missed you! ((((((hugs))))))
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Post by cathygeha on Jul 24, 2020 7:08:10 GMT
surfgirl , I just saw your shout-out from June 27. My husband indeed had Parkinson's Disease. He fell in January and went to the ER. After a brief, sad story involving hospitals, ERs, dementia, and memory care units, my Dear Husband passed in March. We had been married just over 40 years. I miss him terribly. I am only just now returning to a semblance of a "normal" routine. As "normal" as COVID-19 will allow.
I am so sorry for your loss. It can't be easy to lose someone that has been your partner for so many years. I am glad you are posting and hope you will feel you are with friends and join in as you are able. I hope you will find a way to deal with the new "normal" in a positive way as you move forward.
This covid-19 thing is NOT easy as it definitely has changed routines, socializing, shopping, exercise and even eating. Our weekly Wednesdays with friends are a thing of the past and though that means less temptation it also means no cards, laughter, food and fun with dear friends. I, too, am thankful for the online communitiy.
Hope to see you posting here often!
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